


Stubborn As a Goat

by BlueDaisy



Series: The Land of the Reposeful [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Family Angst, Gen, Not Beta Read, We Die Like Men, mentions of child deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-07 20:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDaisy/pseuds/BlueDaisy
Summary: Once upon a time Toriel and Asgore were parents to two children.





	1. The Smell of Butterscotch and Cinnamon Pie

Once upon a time, Toriel was a mother to two children.

She still remembers their warmth when they hugged her, their laughs still echoes in her ears. She still remembers her child laying on their bed with a pale face… She still remembers her sons dust scattering around the castle.

And she remembers being so _angry_.

She was angry at her husband for making her children bear a weight on their shoulders they couldn’t possibly carry at their age, for starting a war and making decisions without thinking because of his emotions after what happened, for allowing what happened.

And most importantly she was angry at herself. She wasn’t a good mother. She remembers little thing that seemed important now. How she maded Asriel go to school even though he had fever, how she cut Asriel’s playtime cut short just so he _studies_ rather than be a child and have fun outside, how she didn’t bake him sweets he asked for because she thought it was _unhealthy_ , when he should’ve been a kid and enjoying these things without any worry.

They were so little… So very little details she missed but even though they were little… They were short, _dear_ moments she seemed to only remember.

She thought she was right when she denied these things from them but now they only made her feel guilty, reminding her that she wasn’t good enough.

Wasn’t good enough to be a mother, wasn’t good enough to be a wife, wasn’t good enough to be a queen.

Toriel was angry, she was really angry. And she didn’t know what to do with it in this little home in the ruins. Too far away from her failures and responsibilities.

Too far away for people to see her falling apart.

* * *

It happened when she was taking a walk through the ruins, a watering can in her hand to visit her child. When she reached the far end of the underground, to the grave of her child she brought with her. 

She saw a human… a child.

The child looked at her with ~~teary eyes and fear from seeing something so unusual~~ … _a smile_ like she saw her old friend, her blue eyes like the sky Toriel once looked at shining with a hint of patience.

Her hair was brown like her child with a cute red ribbon.

Her knees were bleeding because of the fall but she was still smiling at Toriel when she came crouching down beside her to heal.

Her name was Alice.

It was weird… It’s been years since she saw a human child. She didn’t know what to do or how to deal with this, but it was okay. She would find a way to pull herself together and take care of this child.

She couldn’t let them leave, Asgore would-

…

The child was patient with Toriel whenever she remembered about her children, whenever she paused when the child acted so similar to them. But it was okay. After months of living together they were used to each other. The little child was calm, quiet. Toriel expected them to bombard them with question about how to get out of here. But the child didn’t mention anything else.

Maybe this better. With more time Toriel pulled herself together and she was once more was capable of taking care of a child. She had naively hoped she could raise this child without worrying about anything until that day.

She only had sighed and sat Alice down to tell her a story about humans and monsters. She explained her what happened and why she cannot go outside… to _him_.

But the girl insisted that Asgore acted out of anger and maybe after all these years he had realized what he was doing was foolish and cruel.

She had bitterly said that she missed her family…

Toriel couldn’t say anything else to that. She helped the child pack up and let her leave. Naively hoping that maybe she had found her way back to her family.

* * *

It was two years after that she realized that her hopes were in vain.

When that day she came to the same grave again she met with a brown haired boy with brown eyes like orange under the sun, with orange bandana and gloves.

He said he was looking for his… _Sister_. That she was missing for two years after being lost in the mountain.

Toriel then realized that what Asgore had done.

_Alice._

The boy had frantically asked if she was okay when she kneeled down and wiped her tears in vain, too weak to answer.

The little girl she looked after…

The little girl who helped her pull herself together…

The little girl who made Toriel feel like the mother she once was again…

She can’t fall apart. She had another child right in front of her. Alice’s older brother who came looking for her…

What can she tell him? That she let his sister die? That she didn’t even consider going after her to check?

But this boy… _Eric_ was different than Alice. He was more active, more brave, more energetic than his sister. And he didn’t accept staying with her until he found her sister.

Toriel tried to convince him to stay with her that if he goes outside he would be _killed_. But he didn’t listen to her.

And in the end Toriel was too weak to convince him to stay, and too weak to go after him, too weak to stop him.

Too weak to stop Asgore.

* * *

A lot of time passed. Toriel got used to loneliness and this feeling of failure until one day she found a girl with a tutu and ballet shoes.

The child was quiet and she looked around the ruins with curious, dark blue eyes. Her name was Charlotte

Toriel didn’t know what to do when she realized the girl was trying to find a way out of the Ruins a week later. Talking to the child didn’t work, trying to distract them from the subject didn’t work. She can’t force these children to stay with her when they had families to go back to… but she had to try, she couldn’t let another child die.

But when she did Charlotte’s answer was, “You’re not my mom, you’re not my anything. My real family is behind that barrier, and I’m going to go back to them no matter what.” Toriel… had nothing to say to that.

That’s why she had no choice but to let Charlotte go when she asked if she could open the door after that, feeling failure and dread filling her soul and making her regret her action the second she closes the door.

But she was too weak to go after Charlotte.

* * *

The next child… Matthew hadn’t asked questions about how he could get out of here. He was reminding Toriel about Alice…

She showed him the room he could stay in and activities he could do while he was here and Toriel did her best to distract him from thinking too much.

Toriel taught Matthew about cooking, they read books together, she taught him about knitting. And without even realizing two years had passed, and they had a peaceful routine where they woke up and cooked breakfast together before checking the puzzles and then they would go back and read books before cooking lunch and they would do other acitivities before cooking dinner together. Matthew was the second child that made Toriel feel like the mother she once was. She didn’t make the same mistakes with Asriel and Chara. She made sure he was happy and cooked all of the treats he wanted. Through all of these years where she let five children down this was for the first time Toriel felt like she didn’t completely failed.

But like everything this routine they had was cut short when Matthew asked about the door. She had told him to stay away from the door no matter what happens.

He didn’t listen… Because one day Toriel woke up and Matthew was gone… His room was clean like nobody had lived there for two years.

She didn’t know where she failed… didn’t know what pushed him to leave. She wonders if she coddled him too much, did he feel like she was pressuring him too much? She would never knew and one of her children had died again.

She mourned after him for months.

* * *

The next child was different. Justin hadn’t fallen down by accident.

He talked about a legend about kids going missing in this mountain and asked if _they_ were responsible for this. And Toriel explained everything to him, hoping he would give up.

And like all the children… She couldn’t convince him to not confront Asgore, she failed to save him… To keep him here where it was safe… 

Justin left… And Toriel didn’t even know about his favorite treat or if he liked butterschotch or cinnamon or his favorite activity or what makes him laugh. She failed him… Just like how she failed her people and all those children.

* * *

When the sixth child had fallen down Toriel couldn’t feel anything else besides sadness… knowing this girl… Sofia too would end up the same.

Sofia stayed with Toriel for two weeks until she was sure she knew everything about the Ruins and the monsters that lived there.

All Toriel could do was stare after her before closing the door.

* * *

Toriel is waiting… she doesn’t know what she’s waiting. But anxiety was pounding in her soul making her restless.

She should’ve gone after that child Toriel thinks... She knows she can’t possibly win against Asgore, but she couldn’t let him do this anymore.

She can’t stay here anymore letting these children face the world outside the Ruins without knowing what happened to them.

Why? She asks herself. Why is she thinking about this now? Why didn’t she went after all those children when they left her?

Because she was scared… She was nothing but a coward. She was scared of her people, she was scared of Asgore. She was scared of facing them when they were planning a war.

She was just a coward who was scared of what’s outside that door. She didn’t know what she was going to face outside that door.

But if she lets Asgore continue this barbaric path… another war would happen. If another war happened there was no way they could win. There was no way they could get out alive after another war.

And she can’t fail this child. Not after they called her mother.

Toriel stands up and rushes to the Ruins door.


	2. Cold Golden Flower Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgore is enjoying tea in his lovely garden.  
> It was a good day.

After monsters were sealed underground, he wasn’t even angry. He was just grateful for humans not committing genocide and not slaughtering every single monster.

He knew his people were filled with dread and hopelessness but they were alive and well. It was okay. They would manage.

When the first human fallen down he wasn’t sure what he was going to face, since a long time had passed since the war. Not too long for monsters but too long for humans.

But out of all of the things he had imagined, he wasn’t expecting to come across a child. A child who was running away from humans. A child who wished for death. A child filled with anger and hatred for everything.

At first his people wanted revenge for being forced upon this prison cell of a mountain, but he did not agree with them.

This child had nothing to do with what happened to them, and they were already in pain from too many reasons a child shouldn’t have and experience.

So he took the child to his home and raised them like they were his own child.

It was slow but monsters soon started to accept the child and treated them like how they would Asriel, and once again monsters were filled with hope and joy.

He had hoped that… _Chara_ would have the same hope about humanity but they too had lost hope about humanity like monsters. He still remembers them saying that the life on the surface is ‘kill or be killed’.

He could only hope it was because of their shared experience with their own parents.

As time passed Chara has gotten used to living with them, accepting them as their own parents. He still remembers the first time they called him dad.

Everything seemed to be getting better… Until the incident.

He admits that it was his fault from the start, because he kept piling too many hopes and dreams to his children’s little shoulders for them to bear but it was too late and he lost everything once again… Because of _them_.

He was angry… so… _so_ angry and sad, he hadn’t even thought about what he was doing before opening his mouth.

He still remembers the disgust in Toriel’s eyes, as he sits alone in his garden, now blooming with the golden flowers his child wanted to see.

He sips his tea as if nothing was wrong. Like nobody had left.

It was a good day.

* * *

The first time he realized the weight of his responsibility, of his declaration of war was years later when a rumor about a human going through the underground has started to spread.

He was still angry and wanted revenge for his children and the fate that had been forced upon them.

But something in him stopped him from going out of his castle.

Even though he never left his garden the human… _The child_ found her way into his garden.

She was wearing a light blue dress, her brown hair like Chara’s tied with a red ribbon… she looked so _small_ and she had gave him a smile with patience like she was seeing an old friend.

She had a toy knife in her hand.

She didn’t say anything. She kept smiling with patience, the look in her eyes were too mature for her age just like Chara.

And her eyes were light blue… Just like the endless sky his people longed for.

He doesn’t know why he was surprised at the turn of events.

Maybe he had naively thought Toriel would come in and knock some sense into him.

But he was the king and he had a duty for his people.

He sips his tea in his garden as the sun light from the light blue sky shines on his garden.

It was a good day.

* * *

The third time he came across a human was two years later.

The child in front of him stood with a slump in his shoulders as he asked questions about his sister with a quiet voice.

Asgore does not know why he had expected screams of fury and hatred from the small child like _‘give my sister back!’_ as he swung punches with his tiny orange glowed fists.

His hair color was just like his sisters with a bandana that was drawn something on, but his eyes were brown that turned into a tone of orange when he stood under the sun.

The look with a brave glint on the boys eyes were an echo of a patient glint from light blue eyes.

And finally after taking a deep breath, “I’m ready to join her.” He had said with brave smile.

The boy still fought with bravery until the end, he didn’t look like he regretted his decision, unlike certain someone.

He sips his tea in his garden as he hears footsteps carrying a coffin.

It was a good day.

* * *

The fourth human was quiet and accepting of what has yet to come, and he questions what he’s doing during this silent fight between them.

She stands in front of him with a tutu and ballet shoes. Her black hair was a bun, and her eyes were a cold tone of dark blue.

Her every move was with integrity as she dodged with ease. He distantly thinks she looked like she was dancing as she hopped and twirled around his attacks.

He thinks about the way Asriel and Chara hopped around their house as Toriel scolded them.

He stops dodging.

The girl gives him a smile with empathy when the fight was over.

“If this is how we are going to be free… Then maybe we do not deserve it at all.” Toriel had said before she left.

Hoping for freedom after being trapped down for millennia’s for so long… Of course they deserved freedom. Humans gave them no choice. They had the right to be angry.

Then why did the image of a brother and a sister just like his children does not leave his eyes?

He wishes he was so angry that he would absorb the two human souls and destroy anything without a care.

He sips his tea in his garden as he realizes his teacup was shaking in his hands.

It was a good day.

* * *

The fifth human had gave him a kind smile and asked if he can do one last thing.

Asgore sat on the dining table he used alone as sounds came from the kitchen as the boy with an apron and a burnt pan cooked.

Asgore looks around his house, now filled with empty silence because the people in it were long gone, he wonders if he is still here after they died or a mere illusion?

When the boy was done, he came back with a… _Pie_ , and he had a kind look on his green eyes.

He cut Asgore a piece and started to talk about a lady who saved him when he first fell down here. How she taught him new recipes, how she liked to talk about snails, how she tried so hard to stop him from leaving…

Then the boy starts talking about how kind monsters were, how some monsters still called the king ‘fluffybuns’, how they didn’t deserve to be trapped in this little mountain…

After Asgore finishes the pie, the boy leads him to the barrier.

The boy didn’t fight with him unlike the others, didn’t even try to defend himself.

He had simply smiled and said “It’s okay.” And offered his green soul like it was that simple to give up.

Asgore sips his tea as his flowers starts to bloom with a bright green. The smell of a pie still lingered in him with memories.

It was a good day.

* * *

The sixth human had looked at him with fury, his eyes looked like the sun, and his blond hair shined as the barriers light shined upon him like the barrier itself supported the boy.

“This is not fair!” He had yelled, but his voice sounded like he had said it too many times and the words lost its meaning from being repeated so much.

Asgore thinks he should remember something about this boy but he does not.

The boy knew what Asgore had done when he lowered his cowboy hat and readjusted his gun, looking at him with disgust like Toriel.

The boy gave him a long speech through the battle, his voice was low, slow, like he was repeating something over and over.

Asgore doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have any good answer to those words.

In the end, “Murder is still murder.” He had said. But then he lowered his gun. “But _this_ ,” he showed the barrier. “Is also unfair.”

In the end the boy tried to choose the path of justice but Asgore was not sure the boy made the right choice.

He sips his tea as sun shines upon his golden flowers, rays of sunshine reminding him a look with disgust.

It was a good day.

* * *

The seventh human came to him with a notebook and a curious glint in her eyes behind glasses as she asked for permission to gather ‘information’.

She asked him questions about his species, about how the royalty worked, asked if they had any laws, asked how humans used to interact with the monsters, asked if _humans_ could use magic and if they didn’t, how were they able to create a barrier, asked about the war…

Asgore answered all her questions calmly as he sipped his tea. With the girls questions he was once again reminded how much time had passed, how many decades they were trapped here.

How humans have forgotten about them when they were holding a grudge through decades.

He was not looking for reasons to forgive the humans who were already dead long ago. Asgore was angry for so long that now that he was just tired… Tired of being angry at dead people. The people trapped them here were already dead, the people that killed his children were long gone, and they were trapped down here because of a foolish paranoia of dead men.

When the child finished asking questions, she asked if _he_ had any questions.

Asgore doesn’t know where did it come from, but the question he asked was, “Is this the first time this has happened?”

The look, the girl gave him was enough of an answer.

She asked for a permission to leave for now and promised to come back later.

Asgore wanted to say that he would be fine if she never came back. That she should’ve stayed with Toriel wherever she is.

…That Asgore does not want to kill another child who were so similar to his, but the girl holds her promise and comes back an hour later without her notebook or glasses and says that this is the best solution and that she’s sorry she can’t do anything else to help them.

But Asgore knew better than to put all those pressure on a little child again.

His people are once again filled with hope because they needed one more soul to be free… To see the sun, to see the stars.

He sips his tea in his garden.

It was… A good day.

* * *

The rumors about the eight human has come to his ears.

His people were filled with joy because they could finally see the stars and the sky they wished for so long, and as a king, Asgore was entitled to grant their wish no matter what.

The love he got from dirtying his hands burns within him, leaving nothing but pounding dread from his soul. The price he pays for the love he has for his people and the loyalty for his kingdom… And his debt to those children he didn’t know the names of.

Their freedom is close, but then why does it feel more like he’s walking a path for his execution?

He sips his tea, he was tired … So very tired, even though he was sitting in his lovely garden.

It was a good day.


	3. Stubborn As a Goat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the reason people let go isn't because they want to forget what happened, sometimes people let go so they could move forward and find peace.

Frisk wanted to see Asgore.

Toriel didn’t know how to answer to that the first time her child said that. She didn’t want Frisk near that man, she didn’t want any _child_ near that man. Asgore lost the right to be a father the first time Alice was put into that coffin.

But Frisk doesn’t give up. They keep asking if they could do see Asgore. Every time they sit on that breakfast table, every time Toriel picks them up from school. And they call Asgore ‘dad’ with stubbornness.

Toriel knows she can’t force her child to do as she says. Frisk wouldn’t give up until they got what they wanted… They were too determined for their own good and this makes Toriel worried a lot.

In the end Toriel gave in and on a sunny afternoon she brought Frisk to a new opened florist shop.

Frisk had run to Asgore who gave them a crushing hug. Toriel didn’t like the way his expression looked so similar to the times he was with Asriel or Chara. She tries to ignore that.

After telling Frisk she’ll be back by five, she turned her back to them as they went inside the shop. And this became a routine.

She would bring Frisk to Asgore and she would ignore his greetings and would tell Frisk she would be back by five. Frisk never had problems with the time and would always come running to her car whenever she called them.

Until one day Frisk told her to come inside the shop.

She didn’t know why they wanted her to come in but she slowly went inside the shop with doors bell ringing, announcing her arrival.

She was greeted with colorful flowers and their scents. Frisk was nowhere in sight.

Ignoring the stairs leading upstairs, she slowly walked towards the back door of the shop, she saw a garden behind the glass of the door and she opened it.

The garden was pretty much the same with the shop, it was decorated with potted plants and there was a stone path leading her to a table with four chairs, reminding her a room with thrones.

And the table was occupied with certain two people.

When she approached them, she was once again greeted by Asgore and she ignored him like always and Frisk told her to sit down.

She doesn’t understand why Frisk called her here and she had to swallow the urge to drag them to the car right then and there but that wasn’t the kind of mother she wanted to be anymore. She doesn’t want to force Frisk to do things they don’t want to do. She promised herself not to make the same mistakes.

That’s why she would tolerate sitting down on the same table with Asgore.

Frisk started to talk about their day while offering Toriel a slice of pie that must be her recipe. Toriel tries to think that Frisk must have baked the pie, even though it didn’t taste burnt like all the pies her child had cooked to this day.

Frisk continues to cheerfully talk about their day while ignoring Toriel’s spiteful silence and Asgore spacing out.

Toriel thinks they must look like a family now. Maybe this is what Frisk wants… To be with their mother and father, and talk to them without making any choices which of them they’re going to be with or talk to.

Isn’t it fair for Toriel to not want her child near that man when he killed six children?

…

Isn’t it selfish of Toriel to not give them this family just because she was holding a grudge?

Toriel smiles politely and starts to join Frisk in their conversation about their day, asking what kind of flower they saw.

They talked like this for an hour, with Asgore watching them fondly. Toriel tries to ignore his gaze.

Eventually Frisk stood up, when Toriel tried to do the same they just said that they had to use the bathroom. Toriel looks after them until they went inside with an uncomfortable feeling blooming inside of her.

She looks around the garden. It was already becoming late.

Asgore was fairly quiet until he cleared his throat indicating that he was going to talk.

“Tori-“

“I’m only here for Frisk.” She claimed. She was tired of Asgore trying to explain himself every time they saw each other. She doesn’t want to hear Asgore justify himself anymore.

Asgore tightly closed his mouth before opening them again. “Toriel, I just wanted to say that-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, Asgore.” Toriel quietly said. She doesn’t want to snap when Frisk was here and she knows she would snap when Asgore talked about her children.

“I wasn’t going to.” Asgore answers.

Toriel just looked at him. “Really? Because I find that hard to believe. What is your excuse now? How are you going to justify yourself? Are you going to say we’re free because you _murdered_ six children?” This is why she didn’t want to come in… This is why she ignored Asgore. She doesn’t want to hear any of this, she doesn’t want to remember her failures.

Asgore shook his head, he was surprisingly calm. He must have gotten used to her cruel remarks by now Toriel thinks bitterly. “I’m not justifying myself, Tori.” His voice was quiet, barely a murmur. “I know what I’ve done. There is no excuse for it. Did I do it because I was angry? Yes. Did I do it out of the responsibility and because of the promise I gave to my people? Yes. And if I could turn back time would I prevent myself from doing that? Yes, of course I would.”

Toriel remembers all of their little faces and their curious and mature look in their eyes even though they were so little. “How could you?” She croaks out. “They all were so small… They all looked like _them_. Didn’t you said we were better than those humans? That we wouldn’t do anything barbaric like them?”

She feels tears gathering around her eyes. She should’ve been angry, this should’ve been the moment she snapped and started yelling at Asgore. But all she could think about was the children she failed and couldn’t save and she couldn’t hold back her tears.

“I don’t know, Tori.” Asgore helplessly said. “I tried to do what was right. We were trapped in a cage where we were dying like animals, and I had a responsibility towards my people.” Toriel had a lot of things to say to that, and none of them were nice. Asgore sighed. “When I realized what I’ve done… When that little girl was…”

“Alice.” Toriel forced out.

“What-“

“Her name was _Alice_.” She said with spite.

“… When I put Alice… Into that coffin it was already too late.”

Toriel shook her head, she didn’t want to hear this. She didn’t want to hear about her failures. “Why are you telling me this? Wasn’t it enough that both of my children died?”

“You’re not the only one who lost your children, Tori.”

“What? Now you’re using their deaths to-“

“Why won’t you get it? I lost both of my kids too, Tori. I was so sad and _angry_ , I lost myself… When I’ve finally realized the weight of what I’ve done, I had three coffins in that basement.” Asgore shook his head with grief. “They were so little, just like my children. But it was already too late, this responsibility became my burden I couldn’t possibly ignore or turn back on.” After that a long silence took over. They had nothing to say because there was nothing to say.

Toriel finally looks up at Asgore. When was the last time she actually looked at him? She wonders. He regretted what he’d done but it was already too late. Toriel wonders if she had stayed and fought with him about his decision about war… If she had tried to fight harder rather than giving up, if she went after all those children like she had done for Frisk… She wonders if she had done any of this rather than giving up on her people and running away from the fear she had felt towards her people after seeing their hatred towards humans… Maybe she could’ve saved them.

If… ifs were not something that exist in the past, people would only start talking about ifs when there was no way to turn back, to think about other possibilities about the past. But no matter how many ifs Toriel thinks about, it wouldn’t change the facts.

Asgore could regret killing children all he wants, it wouldn’t change the fact that he killed them.

Toriel could regret about letting the children go, regret about abandoning her people, it wouldn’t change the fact that she decided to do something when it was too late.

They had to move forward with their mistakes and learn from them so they wouldn’t do the same things in the future.

Toriel looks at Asgore and thinks about the way he hugs Frisk, thinks about the way he smiles lovingly at them. He was still the man who killed Alice, Ethan, Charlotte, Matthew, Justin and Sofia… And he was still the man who carried Asriel on his shoulders.

Toriel sighed and looked up at the sky that was getting darker, the sky they paid a really high price to get and thinks that she should finally let go. All her failures, all her grudges so she could be good person, so she could be good mother who learned from her mistakes and would try harder.

She turns to Asgore. “Would you join us for lunch tomorrow?”

Asgore looked at her with bleary eyes before nodding with a hopeful smile.

Toriel would never be able to love Asgore like she had millennia’s ago and maybe she was still too upset and angry to be properly friends with him, but she could let him be the father Frisk wanted him to be.

And maybe one day she could talk with him normally like two normal people without any anger or disappointment.

That day when she was going back to their house with Frisk, Toriel felt lighter, like a weight was off from her shoulders.

**_~The End~_ **


End file.
